• f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng.

• Optimization hinders evolution.

• He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.

• If you put a billion monkeys in front of a billion typewriters typing at random, they would reproduce the entire collected works of Usenet in about ... five minutes.

• Power (n) The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.

• Never assume, for it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

• Don't steal. The government hates competition.

• A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages.

• Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

• Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

• BASIC - A programming language. Related to certain social diseases in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.

• Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

• Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though.

• The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.

• I speak BASIC to clients, 1-2-3 to management, and mumble to myself.

• Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything.

• You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.

• COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key.

• One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

• Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted.

• That Jim Brown. He says he isn't Superman. What he really means is that Superman isn't Jimmy Brown

• The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out...

• The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

• A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.

• Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

• Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying.

• If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...

• All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

• Old programmers never die. They just can't C as well.

• There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.

• Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.

• Necessity is the mother of invention.

• Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.

• Philosophy is a study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.

• Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk

• Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

• Original Poems for Infant Minds My MotherWho ran to help me when I fell,And would some pretty story tell,Or kiss the place to make it wellMy Mother.

• Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

• Old programmers never die. They just branch out to a new address.

• Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique.

• The NeXT Computer The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe.

• Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers.

• WARNING Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue.

• Winners never quit and quitters never win.

• There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

• Earth is 98 full. Please delete anyone you can.

• Good, better, best never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best.

• Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one (YN)

• Sped up my XT ran it on 220v Works greO

• Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

• Intel has announced its next chip the Repentium.

• We are told never to cross a bridge until we come to it, but this world is owned by men who have 'crossed bridges' in their imagination far ahead of the crowd.

• Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

• The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.

• The best book on programming for the layman is Alice in Wonderland but that's because it's the best book on anything for layman.

• Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research.

• If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

• Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns.

• No one is listening until you make a mistake.

• The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.

• Hanlon's RazorNever attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

• Great minds think alike.

• Real programmers don't write in PLI. PLI is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

• Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

• When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy.

• Ama me fideliter Fidem meam noto De corde totaliter Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota.

• The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.

• Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

• What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator.

• If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

• Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they find laughable.

• Hit any user to continue.

• An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less, until eventually he knows everything about nothing.

• God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers

• Old hackers never die. They just go to bitnet.

• LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.

• Silence is one great art of conversation.

• A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

• Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename'

• CDOS CDOSRUN RUNDOSRUN

• Want to make your computer go really fast Throw it out a window.

• General Failure's Fault. Not Yours.

• Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

• A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.

• Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

• Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy Shell to DOS...

• Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green

• Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.

• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

• Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE

• Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered.

• The Internet is like a vault with a screen door on the back. I don't need jackhammers and atom bomb to get in when I can walk through the door.

• Pascal keeps your hand tied. C gives you enough rope to hang yourself.

• Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever.

• Lat Love me faithfullySee how I am faithfulWith all my heartAnd all my soulI am with youThough I am far away.

• Crime, like disease, is not interesting it is something to be done away with by general consent, and that is all about it.

• Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night.

• Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.