• Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

• Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.

• Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

• Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

• If you can laugh together, you can work together.

• Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

• Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

• Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

• There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

• To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.